Thailand

Bangkok. Yes, we’re in Thailand and there’s flowers everywhere. Stand still for a moment and someone will throw a garland over you.

Only a short stop in Bangkok to acclimatize ourselves. We stayed on the banks of the Choa Prayo river, or river of Kings. After a short power nap we drifted downstairs for a little R&R.  The bar was promising some live Jazz so we installed ourselves there after a light dinner. The four-piece house band was doing a fair job of knocking out a few old standards. After about three numbers a large, American lady burst in, took the stage and apologised for being late. She was the singer. She clearly didn’t know any of the band, what they were called, or what their individual names were. Not a lot of preparation there then and not looking promising, but thankfully she could sing and we had a fairly good evening’s entertainment. After a few songs, she started to sweat profusely (she was a large unit) and said that she was tired. Mags looked her in the eye and said “Oh no you’re not”, clearly unimpressed with our Diva’s work ethic.

We spent the next morning at the Grand Palace, reached via a twenty minute ride up river in a water taxi. 

 This is a very impressive site housing temples spread out over roughly 200,000 sq. metres built by successive kings all handily named Rama (versions 1 to 9 starting in 1782). It’s an enormous site. Each building is decorated lavishly with glass, gold leaf and bizarrely broken Chinese pottery. There are lots of tall sculptures of Demons, monkeys, Queens and Kings, and Buddhas of course. Demons feature prominently here and there are stories from the Buddhist religion marvelously and decoratively illustrated on some of the walls. The chief Demon appears to have taken a liking to the Queen devising and executing various cunning schemes to abduct her, obliging the King to rescue her.

At the centre of the site is the emerald Buddha housed in the most important temple. Not actually a large Buddha but very sacred and brilliantly dressed in robes of jewels. He has a costume for each season, Winter, Summer and Rainy.

We flew an hour or so north from Bangkok to Chiang Rai in the golden Triangle, a region encompassing parts of Thailand, Myanmar (formally known as Burma), and Laos. Another hours drive and we arrived at our resort at the very centre of the triangle where we had views of both Myanmar and Laos from our balcony. 

 

We stayed in an elephant retreat, and duly took the opportunity to on our second day to learn how to be a Mahoot (elephant rider). If you’re thinking that this sounds a little adventurous for us you’d be right, and when we came face to face with these magnificent animals at the elephant camp, we thought so too. After a few basic instructions in elephant speak – go, turn and stop – we had to climb aboard.  I’d naively thought the elephant would kneel down to make this easier but you actually have to climb up hauling yourself up with a rope which encircles the elephant’s midriff.  It’s at this point that Mags cleverly claimed shoulder injury so that she’s be allocated the smaller, baby elephant that was easier to mount. I was given the old lady – no need to say any more there. Anyway, we both managed to embark OK largely due to the assistance of two real local Mahoots who shoved us upwards. 

We rode around for two hours upwards to the top of a hill where we had magnificent views over the jungle encompassing the mighty Mekong river. After just two minutes riding we both knew it was going to hurt. You ride bareback just behind the elephant’s ears and with your hands on her head. But even at this relatively narrow point on an elephant’s back, its girth is considerable, so your legs are permanently forced wider than a ballerina performing a grand jete.

Despite our ‘training’, the elephants just do what they want really, which means veering off the path to eat. And these animals are deforestation machines. They chew through a hundred kilograms of vegetation a day, stripping leaves off branches with ruthless efficiency. They happily ignore our vain shouts for them to move forward. Luckily each of us was accompanied by a proper Mahoot who the elephant will eventually, reluctantly obey. Anyway, quite an exhilarating experience overall (or was that relief at just surviving). We finished with the elephants diving into a bath to wash with us still on them. Great fun. We walked back to the resort like John Wayne after three days in the saddle.

We spent the afternoon in the spa, having booked a Thai massage to try to knock our bodies back into their normal, non-bow-legged shape.  I’d not had a Thai massage before but soon found out that it involves applying pressure at various points on the body. We had three options, light, medium, or deep pressure. I opted for medium whilst Mags went for deep – she’s always had a high pain threshold. Two slight Thai girls ushered us into the massage room. They start at the bottom and work their way up, so at halfway it was starting to get interesting. I had to recite Shakespeare to myself backwards to keep focus. Actually, no need as I was just trying not to shout out in pain. It was hard to believe that such small people could apply so much pressure. I’d started to think that, once they’d covered our eyes up, they had swapped places with a couple of Russian discus throwers. The soft background music was in sharp contrast to the violence meted out at the tables. No really, it was a very relaxing experience and a great way to unwind.

The next day we awoke early to travel to the nearest town, Chiang Saen, to visit its fresh food market. We had booked into a Thai cookery class and the first job was to buy the ingredients. Yes, I did say ‘we’ meaning Mags came along too. We arrived at the market about 7:45 a.m., early enough but it had been open since 3 a.m. The market was vibrant but not too busy as most locals shop earlier. Our chef and guide, Wit, took us from stall to stall where we tried all sorts of new and strange delights from pig’s blood soup to Thai coffee with some barbequed catfish in between. Also available were ants’ eggs and fried crickets, which are eaten as a snack. We bought a fresh Tilapia and I mean fresh, as the locals like to buy their fish live, so they are brought to market in tanks and ours was killed in front of us. Of course there is the usual array of vegetables, fruit and spices. All sorts of chilies and curry pastes were available and the smells were fantastic as the produce was so fresh and fragrant.

 

Back at the hotel, we were taken to the cooking school and to our cooking stations. We felt like contestants in masterchef. We donned on our aprons and chefs hats and cooked up a feast. We were the only two in the class that day so we had some very personal tuition. I found it hard to concentrate with the novelty of seeing Mags behind a stove next to me. Actually, we didn’t have to do much as most of the ingredients were pre-prepared, but we had a ball and learned quite a lot about how to balance the flavors from the chef. Anyway we both managed to prepare a hot and sour soup, a crispy sea bass with green mango salad, and a Pad Thai that we then ate with a Thai white wine, delicious.

Off to Laos tomorrow.